Vignesh turns 1 - Birthday party pics

Blackforest cake from mom n dad


Strawberry cake from aunts


Cake cutting with mom


Cake cutting with dad


Getting down to business


The Picture says it all


Heres more


Time to relax

Vignesh Birthday Celebrations

I had been away from internet for a long time. Therapy center is a little far from our new home. Also, I'm still setting the home. Above all, was busy with Vignesh's birthday celebrations. I had previously thought about postponing his star b'day celebration until decan. But, after the last visit to the doctor, I did not see any point waiting. So, we went ahead to celebrate his star birthday in the traditional way on the 5th of this month. And, his 'official' birthday party celebration (based on the sun sign) was yesterday. The house is still in mess and there is a lot of cleaning work to be done tomorrow. Ok, before I begin to rant any further, let me just go ahead and post some of his b'day snaps.


July 5th Snaps


With parents during the religious function



Two most important people in my life - my father and my son



With the religious mark on forehead



With dear mom



In kurta and dothi



Paying respect to God


Tired posing for pics

And, the hard luck continues

So, its back to the same place where we started 5 months back! My husband and I were nervous and our eyes were filled with tears even as we waited outside the PICU. We were called in sooner than expected. We could hear the doctors discuss the case which made me realise that decan wasn't successful. Anyway, I asked my husband to first peep inside and see if the trach was still in place. He said that it was. He also wanted me to come and have a look at Vignesh, who was in sedation. I did not. Probably, I was shying away from facing the truth.

Doctors came and told us that things are as bad as it was 3 months back. Looks like it isn't as simple as it seemed then. There was no improvement in the tracheal edema (subglotic stenosis) and there was still significant laryngomalacia. So, decan wasn't even attempted.

I just listened to what the doctors said and my husband asked a few questions. I just stood there, nodded my head and even smiled!!! I felt as a mere spectator and watched as if I was in no way involved with all this. I just took all the sorrow and locked it up in a corner of my heart. And, this place in my heart is growing heavier by the day as I have started to lock away all my disappointment and worries for months together now.

Since then, I have just shed a few tears - once yesterday night where I cried into my pillow and then today morning locking myself in the bathroom. But, it was just for a minute or two. I'm afraid to cry because it would pain. Because, it would remind me of all the things that we are going to miss out due to tracheostomy. Of all the implications that this small tube would bear on the lives of 3 of us. I actually began to think of these yesterday, but along with tears, the feeling of helpless began to fill in. So, just diverted my mind. So, I guess I would cry my heart out the day my son is decannulated. It might take months or even years. Until then, these tears can wait locked away in a remote corner of my heart.

A Wicked Twist

From the desk of Sumithra,
06/29/09

What happens when temperature changes from 40 degrees to 30 degrees in a matter of few hours? This is what happens:



To give you a background on the latest developments, we have planned for a trial decannulation for Vignesh this week to see if we can get rid of his tracheostomy. Based on his assessment on the 30th of June, we will decided on the next course of action.

When we started on Sunday from Chennai, the city where we reside, it was so hot. I was so happy to find the weather much cooler in Bangalore. But then, I hadn't imagined this would make Vignesh end up with cold and cough. That too, just barely about 2 days before his broncoscopy and trial decannulation. I know there is no good time to catch cold. But, why now?

To be honest, I'm so tired of this tracheostomy. We had wanted to have this appointment as early as possible since Vignesh is turning one on the 15th of July. On his birthday, I want to be woken up hearing his voice rather than the sound of bubbling secretions. Is it too much to ask?

We were so busy manipulating date well before 15th of July, that we almost forgot about his 'star' birthday.Just like the sun sign in English calender, we have star signs in our calender. Although, these days most of us celebrate in accordance with the English calender, the first birthday alone is an exception. Here, the first birthday is celebrated in accordance with the tamil calendar and the day is filled with prayers and a lot of rituals.

Vignesh's star birthday falls on the 5th of July, this year. Since the trip was already planned and also our priest told us that tracheostomy might be a hinderance in following the rituals (he wants us to get a clearance from our doctor first), we have postponed his star birthday celebrations.

So, I guess we would be spending the day at the hospital. And, I'm hoping that even if we are unable to follow the rituals, decannulation in itself would be a more happier form of celebration and the best gift that God could give Vignesh and his parents during his birthday.

So, tomorrow is set for bronchoscopy and trial decannulation. Hope his cold and cough does not play a spoil sport. Please pray for Vignesh's successful decannulation. Would keep you all posted. Goodluck to us... :-)

An Adventurous Start!

Vignesh and I were stranded. My cell phone was with my husband. I dint have sufficient cash in hand. Although, I did have my card with me, the ATM was no where in sight. Above all, I did not know a word of the local language. But, it does not matter much as most of the people there could speak English or my mother tongue, Tamil. But then I was scared because it was a new place to me.

I watched helplessly as the train moved away before my husband could get down. He had helped us get down at the Banglore contonment station and gone inside the train to get the remaining baggage. Since the train windows were tinted, I could not even see my husband when the train started. I was shocked and clueless.

Even as I was trying to reclaim myself, I was a little relieved to find the suction equipment was lying with me. It was a small railway station and the only telephone booth there was closed. I was carrying Vignesh and had three heavy heavy bags with me. So, I just stood rooted to the place.

Thankfully, a person who helped with my luggage at the Madras railway station happened to pass by. He asked me if I needed help with my luggage again. I told him what had happened. He offered his mobile phone and I called up my husband to make alternate arrangements. The stranger also carried my luggages and found a place for me to wait and then left. Another reason to believe that the world still has a lot of good things in store for us.

Although, my friend came over to pick me up from the railway station immediately, every second of the wait was overwhelming. The tracheal secretions were increasing by the second. I was looking around to see if I could ask anyone to help me with the suctioning. I did not know whom to ask, what to ask, if they could speak the same language as me and even if they did, will they be ready to help me.

As soon as my friend came in, we were able to reach home in about ten minutes. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief only after I reached their home, set up the suction machine and cleared the secretions. My husband joined us after some time.

It was later in the day when I was pondering over the events that happened earlier in the day. I asked myself, "Why did I feel so helpless in the morning?". Although, there were a number of contributing reasons, I guess the most troubling part was tracheostomy.

The day my son gets rid of his tracheostomy would be the day of our freedom and true joy and celebration. And, I'm just hoping that the day is not too far off. Please wish us luck and pray for us as the big day is just around the corner. Will keep you all posted!

A dream come true!

I'm excited! It has been my dream for a long time. Even before my son was born, I had dreamt of a beautiful place for my baby to grow up. Not the cramped up and conjested location that I'm currently living in. Finally, my dreams have come true. Today we are moving to our new home. Would post photos of the new home and house-warming function once I set up the computer and internet there.

Moving on to the updates, Vignesh is becoming a big boy. He shakes his hand when we say hello. He is now able to rest on his hands and rise his body whenever he rolls over to his tummy. He is also trying to crawl. But the lazy bum refuses to do anything that involves even a slight physical effort during the therapy sessions. He has become smarter though.

When his therapists try to give him exercises that he doesn't want to do, he does not usually cry. Instead he tries to distract us with his cute smile or would turn his body and fall on our lap or simply would not budge. Thankfully, his therapists have got a lot of patience and do not give in to his antics. His therapist also said that his upper body is gaining strength by the day.

Every milestone achieved brings a lot of excitement and I'm just waiting to see him surprise the world with his talents.

More pictures

New hairdos

Sleeping during therapy sessions