Well, my post has come earlier than monday. This can only mean one thing. That decannulation did not happen. Else, I would still be in the hospital with my son for observation.
So on Wednesday evening, when they carried out the procedure for my son in the PICU, I was just waiting outside and the door was wide open. It was so difficult to wait there in suspense. I felt like taking a few steps and moving the curtain to see if decannulation was successful. I was standing quietly so that I could hear something - something positive! I was discussing all probabilities with my husband but tried to be postive. Why was the procedure taking so long? Was it because they have decannualted and observing him for sometime? What is the nurse taking from the cupboard? Could it be a manual ventilator? I could not take the suspense anymore and my head was banging. I asked my husband to call me with the good news and went to take a quick bite. When I was back the procedure was still on and they asked me to wait in the counselling along with my husband.
So, finally we were called. My husband entered the room but I was waiting outside because I thought I could not take the bad news that we might have to wait for some more time. I was waiting for see my husband smiling and calling me inside which would mean that decannulation was successful. But none of this happened! Someone asked me to go in. I still had my hope and optimism. Although the doctor's face said it all, I still had my hope. It was only when I saw my son (of course, my eyes just ran to his neck) and the nurse still using a manual ventilator to pump through his tracheostomy, did the fact strike me.